Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
