I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
