Non-Jews are for practice
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
