rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
