Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize