Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
