Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
50% drunk capacity currently
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
