It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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