i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
