I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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