I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize