I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
