Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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