I haven't been this sober since birth.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
