i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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