I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize