If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
