Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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