pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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