Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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