he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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