so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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