what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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