Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
