wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
