I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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