I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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