Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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