i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize