when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
