I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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