my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize