So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
