then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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