Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
