did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize