Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize