i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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