Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(778): View more from British Columbia

some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"

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(319): View more from Iowa

So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

(319): View more from Iowa

Decisions, decisions.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.

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(816): View more from Missouri

i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.

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(563): View more from Iowa

The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.

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(847): View more from Illinois

So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.

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(269): View more from Michigan

Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...

(1-651): View more from Minnesota

no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra

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