and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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