Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize