he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize