I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
