Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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