he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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