He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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