you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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