I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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