my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
