if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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