How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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