my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Less talking, more tequila
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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