oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize