That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
True but thats because hes a fetus.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
