Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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