if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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