I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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