the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
