it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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