Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
