textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
