why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
