Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
