She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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