I puked a lego.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
