ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
