I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize