After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
