I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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