i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
