I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize