I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
