I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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