its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
