my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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