Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
